On a Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
and that's the only time I have to work on my hair

On a bag of Fritos:
"..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.Details inside."
the shoplifter special?

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: "Use like regular soap."
and that would be how???

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
but, it's "just" a suggestion

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
well...duh, a bit late, huh

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
and you thought????

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
but wouldn't this save me more time

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
and...I'm taking this because???

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
as opposed to...what?

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.

On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
talk about a news flash

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
was there a lot of this happening somewhere?